When infidelity hits a realationship, it’s a heavy burden for both people. You’re trying to make sense of so much. How did we get here? You’re trying to figure out what comes next. Is this even forgiveable? Can I be dealing with any more hurt coming from your mouth anymore?

For the person who has been cheated on, you’re trying to make sense of so many different things. It’s this cluster of anger, confusion, and so many questions. What do you mean exactly? When I was out with friends you were really over…here? And when you were doing those “extra hours” for work…that was really?? When you were traveling, you were spending time…? So I’ve been sacrificing. I’ve been giving up so much and YOU’ve been taking advantage of us by… Who even are you anymore? Who did I even marry? What are you?

On the other side, the person who did the cheating is dealing with their own feelings. It’s a wave of shame and embarrassment. They’re apologizing over and over again. They’re trying to answer the questions as best as they can but eventually that guilt, that shame and that embarrassment is too much. They’re stonewalling all of a sudden.

I like to think of it as a relationship timeline in a way. You’re on the same page, you’re dating, you’re having a good time. You really care about each other. There’s time where you know where you’re at. But eventually there’s a deviation. Someone makes the first move- a little smile, a small joke, a bunch of red flags. Secrets build until there’s more and more distance. Until eventually, we have two different stories. There’s a lot to make sense of. And that’s often where couples turn to therapy. Is this even fixable? That’s what we try to do in therapy.